To Fight A Losing Battle
by xLaurieLunaticx
Summary: A story based off of the recent DGM chapters. Allen is apprehended at the new headquarters and his will is tested. Will Allen or the Noah inside win? now complete
1. The Most Beautiful Colors of a Painting

To Fight a Losing Battle—A D. Gray-man fic.

Author's Note: This story is based on a dream I had once after reading a ton of manga from D. Gray-man. It's angst all over. I do some jokes at Kanda's expense, but it's all in good fun. Don't judge me by this one story. You can't tell by this story, but my favorite pairing is allenXkanda (Yullen).

Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray-man, but in my dreams I did. Sweet.

Chapter 1: The Most Beautiful Colors of a Painting

A burning sensation reached his cursed left eye, shooting pangs of agony through his pale body. His back arched against the bed as an ear-splitting scream resounded in his head, raising goose bumps.

_You're descending into the darkness, Allen Walker…or should I say--…kehahahah!!_

Shaking his head back and forth he realized that his fine white hair was wet with sweat and his fingers tingled with a feeling that something he had been touching was gone and the warmth gone with it.

_Piano keys, Allen. Do you miss them?_

"NO!" Allen screamed. A dream? No, another nightmare.

The white-haired exorcist scanned the room, affirming that it was his. The eerie painting staring down at him, a clown's smile seemed to taunt him as the colors around him seemed to swirl, but instead of creating something more beautiful, the painting only grew uglier each time he caught sight of it.

Glancing at the clock, he figured it was sometime around 3am. Everyone would still be asleep. Heading down many corridors, Allen found himself in the washroom. Looking in the mirror, he stared past his reflection, focusing a tired glare at the shadow that plagued him.

How could he have the 14th Noah's memories? Wasn't Allen loved by Mana?

How could he possibly be a Noah…and be an exorcist?

This was the new headquarters. Most were still adjusting, and so was Allen. He hadn't gone on any missions as of late, making every second tick by seem wasted. The worst was that as soon as he had gotten there, Malcolm C. Rouvelier, whom, by the way, looks like Hitler, and Howard Link, Rouvelier's equally annoying assistant, were there to greet and shackle him, bringing him to his master to realize an all too chilling truth.

No longer was "Mana would have wanted this…Mana told me to keep walking" a good excuse to keep himself alive anymore.

And before Allen knew it, daylight reached the castle, although the light only bled through small cracks in the castle's immensely large structure, leaving the inside dark and cold.

"Allen-kun?" Lenalee bent over to talk to the brooding exorcist on the steps, which was funny since Allen didn't remember going there. Her hair had grown since her battle with Eshi and locks of it fell neatly at her shoulders.

When I didn't answer her she spoke again to me, "Were you just coming down for breakfast, Allen?"

And suddenly, something inside me resented that small framed face and sweet smile. I blinked hard enough to hurt my eyes and responded with a firm no. I heard another exorcist remark that it sounded very Kanda-like. I decided to take my Kanda-esque attitude and cultivate mushrooms in a more secluded part of the castle.

_Won't you become my pawn, Allen?_

_We'll make beautiful music together._

_Won't you become my __**puppet**__, Allen? _

"Come be my puppet, Allen." Great…I'd walked into Hitler-mustache guy.

"Allen, we've decided…"

"Who exactly?" My voice felt harsh as it left my lips. Was it my own?

"…the higher-ups in the Order, Allen. Now, if you please, we must prep you."

"For what?" I felt myself getting…annoyed? Is that what Kanda feels like all the time? Well, no wonder he's so grumpy.

"Allen…" his tone was grave and demanding, more so than usual, "we're going to remove your innocence."

Author's Note: I like long sentences. Well, hope you've liked this first chapter. I have planned out 3 or 4 more, but it depends on if it wants to be read or not. Now go on, readers! Review! Encourage me!


	2. A Universe or Pun

To Fight a Losing Battle—A D. Gray-man fic.

Author's Note: This story is based on a dream I had once after reading a ton of manga from D. Gray-man. It's angst all over. I do some jokes at Kanda's expense, but it's all in good fun. Don't judge me by this one story. You can't tell by this story, but my favorite pairing is allenXkanda (Yullen).

Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray-man, but in my dreams I did. Sweet.

Chapter 2: A Universe or Pun

The dim light grows intensely bright. My eyes squint, struggling to get used to it. I want to bring my arm up to block it out, but they feel heavy.

"You're still awake, eh?" Hitler-face is staring at me, bemused despite himself. I can see now that my arms are restrained to an operating table, an IV running a clear liquid into my right arm.

"Let me go." The intended sternness of my voice was muffled through an oxygen mask that was probably meant to anesthetize me.

Rouvelier ignores me as he prepares a capsule for my innocence. The doctors sharpen their knives as a nurse checks my surely erratic pulse. Komui stands behind them all, expressionless. As my eyes get heavy I realize that this was really happening to me.

"I'm sorry, Allen-kun…" Komui's apology was the last voice I heard before my eyes fully slid shit.

_Flashback_

"_I want to save them all…" Allen confidently stated to his comrades, "my right hand for the humans…and my left for the akuma."_

_End Flashback_

_Do you still want that, Walker?_

"Lenalee!!" Lavi latched himself onto the younger Lee sibling.

"Che." Oh…Kanda was there, too.

"Had something to eat yet, Lenalee?" Lavi happily stuffed food into his mouth whilst asking.

"No…have you…have you guys noticed anything strange about Allen?"

Even though Kanda noted that she was genuinely worried, it didn't stop him from being sarcastic, "Moyashi IS strange."

However, Lavi was in turmoil. Never had his job as apprentice Bookman ever really interfere with his closest friends. He was there when General Cross told Allen that he was imprinted with the memories of the 14th Noah…but yet could do nothing to ease his friend's pain.

"No, Lenalee. I'm sure he's fine!" The red-haired exorcist smiled goofily and wiped the food that happened to miss his mouth.

"Well…" the girl didn't seem convinced, "have you seen him at all today?"

No, Lenalee…I saw Rouvelier take him away and I'm not sure what he'd up to now. But Lavi's thoughts betrayed the words that actually flew out of his mouth, "Nope! He probably got lost! Ah hahaha!"

I'm sorry, Allen. I don't know what to do.

I woke up surprisingly in my own room. I sat up carefully, looking around with blurred vision.

_Now there's nothing but you to hold me back, puppet. _

I froze in horror, my right hand fisting an empty left sleeve that should have contained my innocence arm. I ran to a mirror as quickly as my drugged body could, ripping off my shirt on the way, not caring about the fact that it wasn't mine. There was no left arm; there was no innocence, just bandages and a shoulder. My heart twisted in pain and I could only guess that the portion there was removed also.

I noticed fat tears as they fell from my bowed head to the floor and I reached to wipe them from my eyes only to realize that the raised and raw skin from my cursed eye wasn't apparent.

I whipped my head up to look in the mirror once again. My curse was gone. In its place, my left eye glowed golden, like a Noah's.

My innocence was gone. Mana was gone. And the surrounding darkness more evident.

What am I now?

_Mine._

Author's Note: So…that's the second chapter!

I would like to apologize for my cracks on Rouvelier...NOT! I don't like him that much. At the time his character was introduced, I was finishing up my last study in AP History, which was a comparison of world genocide. Of course, Hitler's Holocaust was one of the topics, and I just kind of made a connection between the two. DX

And it's pretty easy to guess who's saying the underlined and italicized words. It's the 14th Noah, the Musician.

So please, review some more cuz I would like to write more of this story!


	3. Where Sometimes We Find Are Two

To Fight a Losing Battle—A D

To Fight a Losing Battle—A D. Gray-man fic.

Author's Note: This story is based on a dream I had once after reading a ton of manga from D. Gray-man. It's angst all over. I do some jokes at Kanda's expense, but it's all in good fun. Don't judge me by this one story. You can't tell by this story, but my favorite pairing is allenXkanda (Yullen).

Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray-man, but in my dreams I did. Sweet.

Chapter 3: Where Sometimes We Find Are Two

"Did you know this was going to be done to me, Komui?" I sat in the chair in front of his desk.

"I'm sorry, Allen…" the supervisor said meekly, pushing a mountain of papers off his desk to talk to me properly.

"If you were going to be sorry for this, you shouldn't have let this happen then," I retorted coldly.

"Allen…you're the 14th Noah, the player…this had to be done. Central Headquarters demanded it."

"They wanted to lose an exorcist to the Millennium Earl? 'The Destroyer of Time'?" My tone dripped with venom.

"They wanted to see your powers and how strong they could become."

"You wanted to test if this side of me was more useful to you?"

"Allen…I…"

"I'm done talking." I walked out not knowing where I was going. I put my hood on, despite being inside and stuffed the end of my left sleeve in my pocket.

"Guys, I'm really worried. Two days with no Allen in sight!" Lenalee exclaimed to the two other exorcists she shared her dining table with. Lavi averted his eyes while Kanda let out an "Hn" sound which she took as a small agreement.

The dining table was a lot quieter without Allen around. He brought smiles to everyone. He made Kanda livelier and was always polite to anyone. Even Jerry the cook had lost his sparkle without Allen's overbearing appetite.

As Lenalee looked up to nibble at her dinner, she noticed a hooded figure slip through the entrance, steal a tea off a finder's tray when they weren't looking and sit at an empty table away from the other groups.

"New guy?" Lavi guessed, raising an eyebrow questioningly, "kinda odd."

"I recognize his clothes…" Kanda murmured. Something connected in Lenalee's head.

"ALLEN!" She ran over to the figure, Lavi and Kanda pursuing her.

"Allen!" She pulled the hood off and was met with his familiar white hair. But when he slowly moved to stare at her, she noticed so much that was unfamiliar. His face was gaunt and paler than usual. His eyes pierced her soul, but at the same time held a very faraway look that seemed unfocused and unaware of everyone. And his eye…

"Allen?" She seemed a little apprehensive and fearful. She touched the place where the cursed pentacle used to mar his flesh and examined his new golden eye that contrasted with his other silver-blue eye and his snow-white hair, "Allen, what happened?"

And the boy, no matter how hard he tried, could not verbalize his feelings—the hate, the hurt, the emptiness, the anger, and the sadness. And so he began to cry.

Eyes widening, Lenalee again reached out cautiously to her friend to hopefully comfort him. He could do nothing to stop the teenage girl as her right hand stretched across the table for his left arm to pat his shoulder. She gasped as she made contact.

"A…A-Al-Allen…" She shuddered and he looked down almost shamefully.

Lavi walked to Allen's side and boldly unzipped the coat concealing his pale friend, exposing a simple tank top with tons of bandages on the upper half of his body…but no left arm.

Kanda, the first to come out of his stupor, was outraged, "Who did this to you?!"

Lenalee turned to the samurai, shocked by his bellowing voice, but instantly turned back at the sound of Allen's strangled sob.

_Let me take over, puppet, and you won't have to remember the pain ever again._

"R…Rouvelier and K-Komui," he stuttered, crying heavier, "they…they took my innocence…they took Mana away from me…"

"Oh, Allen…" Lenalee said softly, pained to her that her brother was involved in her best companion's pain.

_You can't go back, Allen. Succumb to your darkness, Allen!!_

"Please…god…" Allen whispered.

"Allen?" Lavi was instantly at the boy's side again, closer than before.

"Please!"

_You're mine, foolish boy._

"What do you need, Allen? Anything…" he could barely hear Lenalee over the voice in his head.

"Please…" he looked straight into here eyes, "please kill me."

Author's Note: It's like there's a cliffhanger every chapter.

Sorry if that pisses you off though.

Keep reading! I'll love you forever!

Kanda: Your end notes contrast too much with your angsty stories.

Laur: Shuddup before I write a crack fic about you!

Kanda unsheathes Mugen

Laur: Did you forget already that my favorite pairing of all time is Yullen?

Kanda:…just…review or something…before…bad things happen…to good people…


	4. There Was Only Room For One

To Fight a Losing Battle—A D

To Fight a Losing Battle—A D. Gray-man fic.

Author's Note: This story is based on a dream I had once after reading a ton of manga from D. Gray-man. It's angst all over. I do some jokes at Kanda's expense, but it's all in good fun. Don't judge me by this one story. You can't tell by this story, but my favorite pairing is allenXkanda (Yullen).

Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray-man, but in my dreams I did. Sweet.

And a special thanks to everyone who reviewed! Now, I'm going to say…anyone who reviewed gets an IOU! 3 That means that if you ever need something from me, like…reading your story, helping you out with your crazy plot bunnies, or whatever just contact me!

I love you all! D

Chapter 4: There Was Only Room for One

* * *

"Please…" he looked straight into Lenalee's eyes, "please kill me."

"Allen! What are you saying?!" Lavi screeched, making the white-haired boy flinch away from him.

"I…we can't do that, Allen. You can't ask us to do that! You're my best friend, Allen. You're so special to all of us," Lenalee stated, tears forming at her eyes, dangerously close to spilling. She clutched, Allen's empty left sleeve, as if wishing that his innocence arm could return to him a second time.

"Please…" he whispered his plea, slowly losing an invisible internal battle, "I don't want to be a Noah…"

"Wait…what?" Kanda's voice was harsh, "You're not a Noah."

"I…hold the 14th Noah's memories with me…how else did you think I got you out of that arc?" Allen swiped his sleeve back from Lenalee.

Before the exorcists could even comprehend, let alone respond to Allen, Rouvelier appeared behind Allen, placing a sinister hand on his shoulder, "What have you told them?"

"What I say to my friends is none of your business." Allen shot him a glare that could rival Kanda, but was hauled to his feet by the man and dragged off.

* * *

"We need you to work, Allen." They had come to a stop at Komui's new office.

Allen thought it was funny how Komui could even show his face to him, let alone start speaking to him in such a monotone voice, "We need you to create more doors, Allen. Our location still isn't secure."

After a while, Rouvelier stepped in, "Go on, Komui."

"We also need you to…release that Noah inside of you…"

* * *

"We have to go find Allen!" Lenalee sobbed, tugging on Lavi's uniform roughly.

"Don't worry, Lenalee. They shouldn't have gotten too far, okay?" The apprentice bookman pried the girl's small fingers off his clothes and encased them in his much larger hand, meaning to lead her on their pursuit for Allen.

Before departing, Kanda gave her a small, but meaningful, pat on the head before departing with them also.

* * *

Allen turned to Komui, shocked at his words.

Komui coughed nervously before continuing, "You see…the Earl is on the move again, and we need you to navigate throughout the ark on your own, figuring out each door and configuring it to suit the Order's needs. Though, this would be too dangerous for you, Allen, as an exorcist, so…"

"You took my innocence away for this?!" The boy's eyes glowed with rage no one knew he had, "So you could experiment?!"

"Allen!" Komui shouted timidly, slouching back as far away from Allen as his chair would let him, "That's not it, Allen! I thought you would understand! You're destined to defeat the Earl!"

"As an EXORCIST!!" He barked in Komui's face. He'd never been so angry at anyone in his life.

But then, Rouvelier grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, wrenching him away from the white-clad man, "But you're a NOAH now. So deal with it, boy!"

_Slip further into this darkness, Allen. You're me…but I'm not you. There is no "Allen Walker". You exist through me._

"You're no longer an exorcist. You're a Noah, so adjust! Become the Noah that we need!"

_Snap, Allen! It's my turn to play!!_

And snap is exactly what Allen did. He let go, and faced his darkness, and instead of conquering it…he let himself sink. He could feel the heat leaving his body, and a pricking at his fingertips as his nails turned black and gray slowly dyed his skin. And the boy smiled because it could very well be his last chance to smile as himself. Then he was lost in the dark realms of the Noah's mind.

His left arm appeared, although it was just like a Noah's would look like. And as the monster lifted his head, the once pure white hair turned pitch black and swept sideways to reveal seven black crosses aligned on his forehead. As his eyes finally opened themselves, Komui knew he had gotten more than he had hoped for.

"Kehahahah, at your service, you filthy humans!" The Noah finally spoke.

* * *

Laur: Well, I was going to continue…but then I was like…let's make 'em wait!

Allen: No…it was just because this chapter would be way long if you didn't separate it…

Laur: Shaddup….

Well, anyway. I wanted to point out a minor detail that I've been using so far in these 4 chapters. It's that the title is each a line of one of my favorite 4-lined poems. I thought it really suited Allen in the situation I've put him in.

I also wanted to point out other minor details. Like…my goal to pick on Kanda, still!! How much war had corrupted Komui. Lavi's inner turmoil over Allen—meaning that he knew that Allen was the 14th but couldn't help him…but you can't blame him. And the similarities I've made between Rouvelier and the 14th; like the similar nicknames and the same harshness used to almost de-humanize Allen. Also, how I'm sticking to the manga…and really writing as if this could be a possible ending to the D. Gray-man series…not like I actually want it to end.

I feared though that if I had tried to incorporate those explainations into the actual story, I would lose some people.

Keep reviewing please, and hang in there, one more chapter to go!


	5. Reunited

To Fight a Losing Battle—A D

To Fight a Losing Battle—A D. Gray-man fic.

Author's Note: This story is based on a dream I had once after reading a ton of manga from D. Gray-man. It's angst all over. I do some jokes at Kanda's expense, but it's all in good fun. Don't judge me by this one story. You can't tell by this story, but my favorite pairing is allenXkanda (Yullen).

Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray-man, but in my dreams I did. Sweet.

Chapter 5: Reunited

* * *

"Kehahahah, at your service, you filthy humans!" The Noah finally spoke.

"Allen?!" Hmmmm, a woman's cry? The Noah turned to see one of Allen's friends…Lenalee was it? "Allen, what's wrong with you?"

"Ah, nothing Lenalee-chan," the Noah smirked at the girl, "I just got rid of a silly young exorcist that was hindering me, that's all."

"You're not Allen." Kanda stated, standing between the crying girl and the new Noah.

"Aren't humans perceptive?" The 14th responded sarcastically, "However, you never noticed how long he's suffered, ne?"

"Wh…what do you mean?" Lenalee stuttered as Kanda whirled around, giving her a look to tell her to keep her mouth shut.

"Kehahahah!" The Noah's laugh was as creepy as it was deafening. "You're all so insolent. Poor Allen! He's been withering away for a race like you? He had to be fucked up in the head! How tortured! How cruel! It's so wonderful!!"

But before Kanda could react, Lenalee had run up to the Noah and slapped him across the face. "Allen…give him back! Give me my world back!"

"How sweet, Lenalee-chan," he cooed as he ran ashen hands through ebony tresses, smiling even wider, "You can't have him back. He's corrupt. He's through—finished! It's a marvelous feeling!!"

She slapped him again, harder, "Allen is a good person." Her resolve was firm and as the Noah blinked at her, she could see that his glaze had went from the look of a wild monster, to a softer, glistening gaze that Allen had.

"Lenalee?" He cried black tears.

"Allen, you're a part of my world. Everyone loves you, Allen. Everyone. You make us so happy. Won't you stay with us?"

"You still want me?" Lenalee smiled, recognizing Allen's quiet voice.

"Oh, Allen…"

"I'm sorry…" Allen turned to everyone after a few moments.

Rouvelier, noticing the presence of the Noah's crosses even though Allen had mostly turned back to normal, "What have you done you impudent boy!?"

"I've shut down the arc."

"You traitor! You'll pay for this."

Allen smiled contentedly, "I know."

"You'll be killed!!" Rouvelier threatened him even further, trying to get a rouse out of the boy.

"Yes." It was a simple answer, yet so weighted in everyone's minds.

_NO! What are you doing! Let me out, let me out!_

Allen was grabbed, his only arm tied to his waist. He only smiled wider as the rope burned his flesh.

_You're not going to kill me! This cannot end! I'm a Noah! They need us!_

No, they don't.

And the exorcist, the human, the Noah…began to hum.

_And then the boy drifted off to sleep, breathing heavily._

He was led down many hallways as his friends followed dismally.

_The gasping flames within the ashes one by one rise up…_

Lenalee clutches at herself in disbelief, tears roll down her cheeks and she holds onto Lavi in support of her shaky legs.

…_and expand into that beloved face thousands of dreams upon this earth…_

Lavi looked on, stricken at Allen's unspoken decision to turn himself in so that the Noah inside of him plagues no one else.

…_as your silver eyes tremble on that night, a shining "you" is born…shining brightly._

Kanda gripped at his Mugen, trying to control the surge of emotions he experienced at seeing Allen's smiling and accepting face. He didn't want the beansprout to die…

_Hundreds of millions of months and years…_

Officials stared at the boy coldly as they listened Rouvelier rattle off countless things that the boy allegedly done, topping it off with him not being able to control the Noah inside of him. He called it blasphemous.

_No matter how many prayers are returned to the earth…_

They called it execution-worthy.

_I shall continue to pray…_

And Allen was slowly dying, surrounded by the people he loved. And he was still humming that melody and singing the words quietly to himself as he drifted off into a never-ending black and white world…and he sung that song because it was his and Mana's song and he wasn't letting the Noah inside of him claim the last thing he had of his father.

_Please give this child love, joined hands, and a kiss…_

That day, Allen Walker died and was buried under an elaborate headstone next to a simple and faded headstone that read "Mana Walker." And that night, when the boy's friends came to pay their final respects, they saw a small boy in a clownish looking outfit standing at Allen's grave who had brown hair and a gloved left hand.

* * *

Laur: Yeah, I thought Allen was going to live, too.

Now please review and show me how much you love me (or hated me for killing an angsting Allen)!

And I'm so sorry if the title threw you off…eh-heh. I just…really wanted to name it that. You may interpret the ending in any way relating to the title, I guess.


End file.
